Oh, east is east and west is west;
And never the twain shall meet
And never the twain shall meet
-Rudyard Kipling
Some time ago, I was talking to a female friend of mine. You can be sure she was a good friend; having lived and been a pal in the last three cities I’ve lived in. Here, she was ranting about her job, her boss and her boss’ boss.
I reckoned that things couldn’t be that bad on their own. There could have been reasons. Perhaps the situation in her office was tense; perhaps her boss was some kind of duress; perhaps she was somewhat wrong…
I made the mistake of mentioning that possibility to her. She resisted. I persisted. She resisted some more; I persisted even more, thinking I was on the right trail. Perhaps I will be able to make her see the reason, the rationale which would put her on the right track.
I made the mistake of mentioning that possibility to her. She resisted. I persisted. She resisted some more; I persisted even more, thinking I was on the right trail. Perhaps I will be able to make her see the reason, the rationale which would put her on the right track.
And then she blew her lid. “Damn it!” she cried out aloud. “Instead of me, you’re taking sides with HIM? How dare you? Are you my friend or his??”
I learnt an object lesson on that day. When a woman tells you about her problems, you’re NOT supposed to be rational and offer a solution. You’re supposed to listen and offer her sympathies. And if you fail, the results can be unpredictable and/or unpleasant!
This brings us to one of the fundamental difference between men and women. While men are geared more towards the rational end of the spectrum, women are more inclined to be at the emotional end. Note that it’s the entire spectrum and the orientation I’m talking about. It doesn’t mean every man or women can be compartmentalized accordingly. But it does mean that one should try to understand the differences and respect them.
It was possibly this point which was troubling another friend of mine (this time, male). Having been in and out of relationships which lasted, on an average, two months, he used to wonder- “Why are girls so…so unreasonable? Why can’t they be normal? You see, all I’m looking for is a girl who would be rational”
It wasn’t possible for me to say anything. People apply self reference criteria all the time, judging every person, every thought and every emotion according to the perspective they think to be the right one. In case of men and women, both fail to see what the other person is geared towards. This was the problem this friend of mine was facing; he failed to see that a woman was bound to be emotional. A completely rational, reasonable woman driven only by a relentless self pursuit and indulgence- won’t just be far from ideal- she’ll be destructive!
Women also make similar mistakes. Just ask a girl what kind of guy she wants and she would answer something similar to the following- “…a guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot, who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch me sleep. One who would constantly remind me of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have me...”
Excuse me! Exactly what kind of a wimp is this guy going to be? Or are we indeed talking about polygamy, because fulfilling these criteria would obviously take more than one man!
Again this is not to say that there cannot be saints like the one described here, but just that it’s not normal or natural for men to be like that. Obviously, though, there will be exceptions. For example, some of most ‘successful’ (a really bad pun intended!) men I’ve known were adept at pretending to be the ‘You-make-me-want-to-be-a-better-man’ types. Women have always been a sucker for words, not the sort which convey true and/accurate information but those which make them dream and stir up emotional cords. As the dialogue goes in the movie What Women Want, “If Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and you can speak Venusian, the world can be yours!”
I learnt an object lesson on that day. When a woman tells you about her problems, you’re NOT supposed to be rational and offer a solution. You’re supposed to listen and offer her sympathies. And if you fail, the results can be unpredictable and/or unpleasant!
This brings us to one of the fundamental difference between men and women. While men are geared more towards the rational end of the spectrum, women are more inclined to be at the emotional end. Note that it’s the entire spectrum and the orientation I’m talking about. It doesn’t mean every man or women can be compartmentalized accordingly. But it does mean that one should try to understand the differences and respect them.
It was possibly this point which was troubling another friend of mine (this time, male). Having been in and out of relationships which lasted, on an average, two months, he used to wonder- “Why are girls so…so unreasonable? Why can’t they be normal? You see, all I’m looking for is a girl who would be rational”
It wasn’t possible for me to say anything. People apply self reference criteria all the time, judging every person, every thought and every emotion according to the perspective they think to be the right one. In case of men and women, both fail to see what the other person is geared towards. This was the problem this friend of mine was facing; he failed to see that a woman was bound to be emotional. A completely rational, reasonable woman driven only by a relentless self pursuit and indulgence- won’t just be far from ideal- she’ll be destructive!
Women also make similar mistakes. Just ask a girl what kind of guy she wants and she would answer something similar to the following- “…a guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot, who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch me sleep. One who would constantly remind me of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have me...”
Excuse me! Exactly what kind of a wimp is this guy going to be? Or are we indeed talking about polygamy, because fulfilling these criteria would obviously take more than one man!
Again this is not to say that there cannot be saints like the one described here, but just that it’s not normal or natural for men to be like that. Obviously, though, there will be exceptions. For example, some of most ‘successful’ (a really bad pun intended!) men I’ve known were adept at pretending to be the ‘You-make-me-want-to-be-a-better-man’ types. Women have always been a sucker for words, not the sort which convey true and/accurate information but those which make them dream and stir up emotional cords. As the dialogue goes in the movie What Women Want, “If Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and you can speak Venusian, the world can be yours!”
Epilogue: The male friend of mine is about to tie the knot- to someone he deemed ‘logical’ enough. As for me, well, life’s always teaching something new!
