Down with love...

The two words "arranged marriage" bring about different reactions-from a nonchalant shrug to a downright chill down the spine. Much of it is geography related, with one being more likely to come across blushing faces (both female AND male) in smaller towns/villages and tears welling up in eyes (again BOTH male and female) in metros. In western countries it will be immediately dismissed as an ancient relic, an anachronism, an intolerable cruelty to the youth and attack on concepts of choice and individual freedom and what not.

I happen to have encountered one such situation during an official meeting where being in front of a foreigner apparently smirking at this distinctly 3rd world concept released a good amount of patriotic hormones in me and coaxed out a riposte! The guy said- during one of those getting-to-know-each-other parts of the meeting- that he believed some of the marriages were still arranged in India. I retorted-"Not some of them. Most of them!"

I proceeded by explaining (this was a 50+ guy with two teenaged children) that in a marriage, a vision and a clear mission or mandate is necessary, just like a corporate start up. Arranged marriages, by their very set up provide these two vital inputs and that is how they work. QED!

So far so good for the patriot bit, but some corner of my heart really cries aloud when it comes to this topic. Many a times I feel that we Indians actually do not believe in the concept of love. We just do not understand what love is. Our movies rarely, if ever, portray romantic love in its truest sense and most of the people seem to be having a notion which is either way too idealized or practically non-existent.

Perhaps this by itself explains the success of arranged marriages-which are based on the premise of sex being more important than something so trivial called love. The Indian rationale is that since flesh is weak, hence whosoever you are sleeping with will naturally become important to you by some mean or the other.

There are other constructs of the society as well which facilitate this line of thought. There is a strict control on the intermingling of sexes which means that for most of the people, their marriage is also their first real relationship. It also ensures that people normally do not have the social/interpersonal skills required to philander away. In order to have a one night stand, one first needs to ask the stranger across the table for a coffee!

Of course, there are other aspects also, other than this brutal one, which make arranged marriages the success they have been. Parents and relatives provide a tremendous support group. With so many people going nudge, nudge-wink, wink at you, it will be difficult not to think about how it is all going to be!

So possibly our fears are not unfounded. Love indeed is an over rated concept and it’s actually sex which makes the world go around, not love!